On November 1st 2011 I broke my 71 day juice fast. Driving to the nearby city of Midland TX to pick up some sushi as treat for having lost 53 lbs and getting my health back on track. The drive takes between an hour and half to two hours. Driving through the scrub plains of West Texas is great for introspection while listening to music and it is a trip I've taken many times as I have a friend that lives there and have done work for a certain oil field related company in the area.
About 45 minutes in I found myself assaulted by a memory that made me feel very low and threatened to get stuck in my mind and ruin the otherwise fine mood I was in. The thought was of a glaring oversight I had made and a lie I had told while being a server admin for said company and getting busted for it. The feeling of failure and the loss of self worth was as fresh as the day the incident had occurred and being a bit of a perfectionist this event had stuck in my mind just waiting to rear it's ugly head and remind me of my failure. It caused a cascade of low thoughts and feelings in me and even though I rationalized it in my mind but I simply couldn't shake it. Then I recalled something that I had recently read in "Kabbalah For Health & Wellness" by Mark Stavish. It was an exercise in which a person confesses their short comings or ill deeds out loud. Stating that saying it out loud as opposed to simply thinking it makes a huge difference. So I did just that, I hit pause on the Zune and spoke my failing out loud. Something to the effect of, "I took the word of someone else without confirming the truth myself, I lied to my customer about having this confirmed with the vendor and was caught in this lie." It was after saying this aloud that I realized a few things. One was that since this event I had at least learned from it never did such a thing again. Learned to always confirm something for myself and that being honest and straight forward no matter the situation is usually for the best.
I felt better instantly and was able to let it go after accepting what I'd done and how I had learned from it. I will be adding this to my daily rituals and use it help transcend many of the things that I have been holding on to from my past.
If the rest of the exercises in this book are half as good as this one I will be recommending this book/program to anyone with an interest in the occult or simple self betterment.
